He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
