sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
