these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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