Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
