TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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