So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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