I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want to be your penis for a week.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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