I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im holly from the hills drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
