Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
