i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
