you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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