Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
