I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
