I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
