remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
