Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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