The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
