Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
