My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
