So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
