I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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