On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
tell me about the eggs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
