fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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