It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
