You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
