Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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