Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
