he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
