the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
