yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Vodka?
Forever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
