I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
