my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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