He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
