I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
