It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize