take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize