Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
