Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
