You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Buhtt sex?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
