If i come over, it means nothing
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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