I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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