its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
