That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
