Your dad touched me again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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