I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
