margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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