Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
