So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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