i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
