Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
