I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
