Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
