This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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