I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
