Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
