Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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