i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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