guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
