Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
