Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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