seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
