If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
