I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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