but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
