Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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