I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
