I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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