im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
