he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
