dude i'm inner monologue high
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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